Needle and the Damage Done 9

~~Jimmy's POV~~





He looked so flustered with his flopping over his shoulders and onto my pillow.
He was looking at me like I was going to attack him or something.
Close.
"God, Jimmy, I can't wait any longer," he pouted.
"I might make you, Percy." I looked up at him through my drunken eyes.
"Oh, don't even-"
I took my hand off his cock. His face fell.
"Don't want to be teased?" I asked.
"No, Pagey," he said, lips pursing. "Not right now."
I just laughed and rubbed his chest, trying not to show my own arousal. I wanted to be in control. Then tonight would be perfect.
"Then tell me what you want," I retorted, giving him false control.
"Touch me," he said simply in a voice that was low and assuming.
"Like this?" I touched his head really light and couldn't help the drunken grin spreading across my face at his reaction if I tried.
"No," he groaned. "Not like that."
"Then tell me Percy. I already asked you to. So do it."
I think he was starting to pick up on how it was going to be now.
"Harder," he managed.
"Details, babe," I teased.
"Fuck you."
"Other way around."
He let out an exasperated sigh and took my hand.
"Like this." He wrapped his hand over the back of mine and grabbed himself hard with it. "Get it?"
Once he let go, my hand was gone just as fast.
"I'm not gonna give you anything if you act like that Robert."
"Wh--"
I pushed him over, got on top of him and pinned his arms down with as much strength as I could find. He couldn't fight back anyways. He was drunk and dizzy and irrational.
I looked at his arms, completely free of any signs of drug use. No tracks. No dirty veins.
I felt a quick but sharp jealousy.
I mentally shook my head and looked back into his eyes. They were staring back. Maybe a little shocked. Definitely a little worried.
I leaned over and pointed my tongue out right in front of his lips and wiggled it up and down while he moaned and shifted under me.
"Shit, Jimmy. Just--"
I silenced his problems with a big wet kiss that was too quick for him to even kiss back.
When I leaned out he was pink.
And his eyes were blue. And his hair was gold. And he was so delicious looking.
I went forward again, shifting my hands higher up his arms so the side of my face was touching his.
"You're blushing," I whispered into his ear, our tangles of hair mixing.
"I wouldn't doubt it. Now if it's not too much trouble…"
"Ah ah ah," I interrupted. "No asking, Percy. I'm gonna do what I want to you now."
"Great."
"Oh, trust me. You'll like it."
I got up.
"Where are you going?" he called after me.
"Getting shit."
"What kind of--- oh fuck."
"Bingo."
I came back in the room with a few things. Threw them on the bed. Climbed back onto Robert.
I trailed my finger over his chest as he tried to look at what I'd brought over.
"No looking," I whispered. "Now close your eyes."
His look was hesitant before his eyes fluttered a bit, then closed. He sighed.
I grabbed his wrist.
He tensed.
"I'm just kidding, Percy. I'm not gonna tie you up, babe."
"Whew."
"But I am going to blindfold you."
"A-alright."
I lifted his head and tied the blindfold around his eyes.
He looked good in a blindfold.
Then I grabbed his wrist again.
"I'm just kidding, Percy. I am going to tie you up."
"Prick."
I clipped his wrists together, the chain weaved into the headboard.
"I knew you were into bondage, Jimmy, but I never thought this would happen."
"Fuck, neither did I," I grinned. "Why, you like it?"
"I really don't know yet."
"Me neither."
Once he was nice and secure I got right to business, sliding down his body, fingers running down his sides all the way down.
"Son of a--" I heard from somewhere above me.
"I haven't even started," I snickered and let my tongue run over his tight stomach. He tensed again so I rubbed his sides to calm him down.
He was still saying stuff about how he couldn't believe this was happening and how I was drunk and shit. I really wasn't really listening.
"God, I hope you don't regret this in the morning, Jimmy," he said. I wanted to shut him up. So I did. Sliding up, I rubbed against him and as he gasped, I gave his face a smack. "Shut up, okay?" I growled, pushing against his erection with mine. He nodded quickly.
"Alright. I'm holding you to that," I warned. "One more word from you and I'm gonna go find someone else to fuck, got it?"
He nodded again.
"Good."
Back down I slid, letting my body rub against him all the way.
I leaned down and breathed over his cock. It was pretty big, I must admit. I might have considered bottoming, but now I sure as fuck didn't want to.
My tongue escaped onto him as my mind wandered, up his length as lightly as I possibly could.
I was trying to get him to say my name.
My tongue went back down and travelled down his thigh.
He was moving restlessly. A glance up showed me he was biting his lip hard.
"Let go," I reassured him. "You'll enjoy yourself more."
His body calmed down. I touched him to test it and he didn't even shiver.
"Good. Now stay like that, babe. But add a little noise if you feel like it."
I took his length in my mouth and he freaked.
"Shit, Jimmy!" he cried. He probably thought I was going to keep going, but I had other plans. I was going to come around in waves.
I backed off him and he let out a cry.
I licked my lips. They were always getting so dry lately. And my nose was always running and I---

A wretch fell hard in the bottom of my stomach.
I was coming down.
I paused and stared at Robert's body in front of me. It all started to lose meaning so fast. The mood was slipping hard. I was still drunk, but I didn't like it. I got nauseous quick and it wasn't helping.
"Jimmy?" Robert groaned.
I felt terrible for him. He was still crazy into this and I was slipping. Maybe I could finish up quick or-
"Yeah, I uh-"
He sensed my change.
"Jimmy? What's wrong?" he asked.
"Nothing. Nothing I jus---"
I was up, running to the bathroom with Robert calling after me.
I lurched over the sink and threw up a throatful of stomach acid. I shuddered. My stomach tensed and I vomited again.
My teeth rubbed together, soft with erosion.
And the headache. Goddamn migraine between my eyes. I was dizzy and I couldn't handle it. Where were the painkillers? The actual painkillers. I didn't want to shoot up. Just this once, I just wanted to get through this without having to do H. Just this once, and then maybe I'd have a little hope. Then atleast I'd know I could do it.
But I couldn't, I couldn't fucking do it. I needed it.
I wiped my nose on my sleeve and turned on the tap. I cupped my hands under the cold water and drank out of them. Once. Twice. My throat still burned. My head still ached.
I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror. When had I started to look so wasted? Even the golden hotel lights fell paled  around me.
I wanted to be alone, but I had to go deal with Robert. I had to let him go, then he'd want to talk and he'd tell me not to do it, but I had to. Just this once. This was a bad one.
But it was always 'just this once.'
I got out of the bathroom, in a rut to get through this as fast as I could; to get Robert out so I could shoot up.
"Jimmy, what the fuck?" He was cursing. "You're not just gonna leave m---"
I whipped his blindfold off.
The worry in his eyes caught me off-guard. "Were you throwing up in there?" he cried, eyes curved with distress.
I ignored him and undid his handcuffs.
"Answer me!"
I threw him his clothes, pulled on my boxers, grabbed my entire suitcase, tossed it onto the bathroom floor and locked myself inside.
"Jimmy!" Robert's muffled shouting came through the walls.  Soon he was banging at the door, crumpling my headache, making it shoot right between my eyes.
"Jimmy, get out of there! Please!"
"Fuck off," I shouted. It was unexpectedly harsh. I didn't want to hurt him. I just wanted him gone for this. I didn't like him seeing me like this and his anxiety only heightened my own.
"Jimmy!"
"Just go, Robert," I shouted sternly. "Now."
"No! I won't go! Would you just leave if I was shooting up in the bathroom?!"
I let out a sad laugh. The truth was, I probably would. It was just because I understood the situation, though. He didn't understand it.
I opened my suitcase and took out a clean syringe, a lighter, my burnt spoon and a heroin stamp.
"Jimmy, just let me in."
I tapped some H into the spoon and a drop of water. I mixed it up with the end of my syringe.
Held the lighter up to the bottom of the spoon.
"Jimmy, just--- fuck please let me in!"
I flicked the lighter, and if I'd had a heart at the moment, it might have broke at the sound he made.
I heard his back hit the door and slide down.
He was sitting back to back with me through it.
I looked around. Nor rubber band.
I swallowed my pride.
"Percy," I managed. "Do me a favour." My voice was hollow. If I couldn't start letting my emotions go right now.
"What," he answered, in the same empty tone.
"Get me my belt."
He got up.
I could practically feel his pain. I could just imagine him getting up and the torn feeling that I'd created in him showing on his face.
A few moments later my belt slipped under my door.
I put my spoon down carefully and tied the belt tight onto my upper arm.
The veins over my arm stated to bulge and run purple.
I went back to the spoon and started heating it up again. When it was done, I took the needle,  took a good 30mg, slapped my vein a few times and pushed the needle in.
It took only fifteen seconds for my pain to start to disperse. I forgot my headache. I was still nauseous, and before I felt any better, I had to hold another lurch down.
Now it was just me on the cold bathroom tile. I threw the needle away and closed my eyes, letting the high in.
Reaching up, I took the door handle and slowly turned it. It unlocked with a click and in seconds Robert was beside me. He was so warm. So normal looking. Not bony or sick. He was healthy.
He was alive.
He crawled over my lap and kneeled, facing me, his lips not two inches from mine.
I was calm from the high but something in me was still jittery. I think it was him that was causing it.
"Jimmy…" my name slipped through his lips in a way I'd never heard. It danced into my mind and challenged the demand of necessity for my high.
My fingers looked skeletal on his wet cheeks.
His tears stained my fingertips and I relished their warmth, smearing them down to his jaw where my fingers stopped and waited.
I had no words. In the midst of my calm, it seemed juvenile that I couldn't deny myself the drug just five minutes ago.
But five minutes ago was another place altogether.
My eyes wandered from my hand to his mouth. It was slightly open, teeth together seething whenever he sobbed.
Emotions scared me more than what we'd gotten up to on the bed. Sex didn't have to mean something in the morning, but this did. I could smell the alcohol on his breath coursing through him, making him open up to me in a way that pushed my comfort.
"Robert," I finally said. "I think you should leave."
His head tilted in pained anger. "Oh, come on don't be like that."
It was frustrating. If he could only understand my actions, maybe he wouldn't be so hurt by them.
"I'm not 'being like' anything, Percy. I just… You're making me edgy."
"You want me off you?" He asked from his place on my lap, his knees on either sides of my legs.
A breathy laugh escaped me. "That's the problem…"
"What? What's the problem?" He was looking me in the eyes, trying to get me to do the same.
"I like your company." God, how could I put this? "I really don't mind, it's just… It's hard to be like this for me."
"Like what, Pagey?" He rubbed my chest with the back of his hand.
I jerked away. "Don't do that. Please."
"Jimmy, you're confusing me. You want me here or not?"
"Fuck, Percy, don't you get it?"
"No, I don't! What are you going on about?" He ignored my protests and slid his warm hands over my sides, taking care not to touch my ribs. I got the impression parts of my body scared him.
"Robert, I like being around you. A lot. I like just being with you. Even if it is on a bathroom floor. And I'm sorry I had to shoot. I'm so sorry. And I want you to stay, but I'm just scared about what it will be like…"
"In the morning?" he finished.
"Yeah." I looked down and thumbed his shoulder absently.
"Well, I was warning you the whole time."
"Yeah about the sex, Percy." He looked away and turned red. "That's different than this. That's different from the way I feel towards you and the way you care about me way too much…"
He looked a bit shocked at what I was implying.
"And I guess now is just as good as a time than any to  tell you, Robert. I like you. A lot. And you make me want to be better. You make me want to quit all this shit I'm crowding myself with and get sober. Because I can't stand fighting with you, and every little bit of me wants to die when you stop smiling at me. I want to be close to you and I want to keep going on how we try to do because it makes me happier than anything in the fucking world, and the only way we can do that is if I sober up. And it scares me, but it's worth it, Percy. It really is. I think I'm ready for the fight. As long as you help me."
His eyes were glassy in tears and alcohol and his head fell heavily forward onto my shoulder. I rubbed my cheek against his head and took his body in with my arms.
"I've been dying to help you fight," he whispered between sobs. "And I'm scared about it too, but we're all in it with you. Not just me but Bonzo and Jonesy, too. We've talked and they're both scared, too."
"See, that's not how I want it to be."
"I know."
There were a few moments of revelling silence before he leaned back to look at me.
His cheeks were still wet, but I hadn't shed a tear. I wanted to. I couldn't imagine how good it would feel to let go like that. The alcohol in my permitted it, but the heroin was a much stronger force.
"God, Jimmy, your eyes are so green," Robert smirked, lightening up a bit.
"Thanks."
"And I don't want to see them that green again, alright?" he quipped.
"Got it, Percy." I flashed him a smile.

I was scared for tomorrow. Coming off of heroin wasn't going to be pretty, but I was up for it as long as it made him happy.

After turning all the lights out we lay down on the bed and covered ourselves up in the heavy blankets.
"You up for tomorrow?" Robert asked me in the quiet dark.
I stroked the top of his hand lightly under the blanket and closed my eyes.
"I'll suffer forever if I have to. So long as you stick with me."
He didn't say anything but over the years I'd grown to know him I'd picked up the silent glow he had when he was happy.