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December 11, 2012
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The Chameleon by electricsorbet The Chameleon by electricsorbet
"You become so thin, not to be beautiful but to be nothing at all."
I never really realise how much I've changed until I see a picture of myself from before I had this disorder. I had some colour in my face and some meat on my bones, but I still don't want to go back there. I never thought this would take me over, since I'm the least superficial person I know. But I'm wondering how far I can take this. It doesn't seem to be stopping. It's been a year this month. It was always somewhere inside me, but now I'm really going downhill. This is real tough shit but I don't want it to stop.
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:iconxxsydviciousxx:
xxSydViciousxx Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Always fabulous <3
I love your necklace
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:iconrivka-nikola:
rivka-nikola Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
What for, Sav? I mean, shit dude, I know you're all for the party-hard, "do what thou wilt" life, and more power to ya...

...but you CAN go too far, man. People do wind up dead in alleys or dead from choking to death on their own vomit or... yes, even becoming too malnourished and thin. I know you can read any Jimmy interview in the world and he'll tell you that he took drugs and drank and starved himself to the point of almost needing hospitalization, and he'll tell you himself that he doesn't regret a thing and it was all for the music and blah blah blah, but as much as I admire him, Sav, I still think he was an idiot for diving in that deep. He was fucking LUCKY he lived through it.

I know you haven't gone as far as he did, but for the love of god, Sav, don't make that your goal. Learn from him. Be inspired by him. Don't fucking BECOME him.

It's really hard for a friend to look out for a friend, but Sav. You've got so much promise as a musician and artist, it's ridiculous. You don't even realize how fucking gifted and incredible you are sometimes, and to say that "you don't want it to stop" and "you wanna see how far you can go" is fucking painful, dude. It's like you're spitting in people's faces. Mine included.

This is hard for me to say, man... this is really hard to say. I've held my tongue for years, watching you do this and that, and I've smiled and nodded it off every time, but the truth is, I'm fucking worried about you, man. We all are. Get your shit together. I'm not going to see someone I've gotten to know and had some of the best online laughs with not wake up one morning because she took things too far.
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:iconelectricsorbet:
electricsorbet Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
Yeah, as for the 'do what thou wilt ' thing, I'm not living that at all. Do what thou wilt means acting towards your purpose, not doing whatever you want :P

Anyways this has nothing to do with vanity or what I want people to perceive me as. This is a control issue. It's a coping thing that has nothing to do with looks or weight.

Also, I don't want it to stop, yeah, but ask anyone with an eating disorder and a large part of them doesn't want it to stop. Just like someone doing drugs. Like, I drink too much, and I know I shouldn't but I don't want to stop. I guess my eating disorder is like an addiction I'm not ready to quit. And trust me, I feel guilty as all hell when everyone around me is telling me to just stop it and get some help and I won't. I feel like a selfish bitch, but fuck I've gone to a shrink and I just can't mentally do it right now.
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:iconsydparrett:
sydparrett Featured By Owner Dec 20, 2012
very sweet...
You're a beautiful girl
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:iconpinksponge99:
pinksponge99 Featured By Owner Dec 14, 2012
We're all behind you sistah <3 Keep strong -hug-
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:iconstophiemeister:
stophiemeister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
Dear Savvy, you know what happens when you take this too far- do you really want to let that happen? Please don't do it for the curiosity of it because once you go too far, it will be irreversible. You're a beautiful girl no matter what you do, and I hope you realise you don't have to do this. I've got faith in you, Savvy :hug:
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:iconstophiemeister:
stophiemeister Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012
It's true that I've never lived through this and haven't seen it through your eyes, but I can't stand by either.
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:iconlebannalim:
Lebannalim Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
The same feeling I have with my depression. I know how bad it is (the scars of self laothing on my body are proof, as well as the painkillers and alcohol, and everything turning to shit around me) but at the same time don't want it to stop. Keep strong, head held high, and try to get some food into your system :hug: can't say it'll get better, but it's a step in the right direction that you realise the effect it is having on you.
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